Seeing My Son in the Struggle of Others

 

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This morning I was reading a Facebook post from one of my blogging acquaintances. She was a little put off because she received some product in the mail and included in the box was a handwritten note from someone on the product’s team. It wasn’t from the person she expected it to be from, it wasn’t on letterhead, it was written in pencil and was rather sloppy. She said it was obvious that someone had written the note and had made some mistakes, so there were lots of eraser marks. She thought this was unprofessional and was not overly impressed. She wanted to know if it would bother any other bloggers.

Since Matthew is currently struggling with his writing skills, my very first reaction was a feeling of sympathy. In the grand scheme of things wasn’t it nice that a note came at all? So many people don’t take the time to even consider the other person on the receiving end of a mailing. I imagine the person that wrote that note. In my mind I see someone working very hard. Maybe harder than their co-workers, because doing normal, everyday things is a bit more difficult for them. The worker wanted to brighten the receiver’s day, or they felt it was just their duty to send a note. I know Matthew often thinks of what is “expected behavior”. He hates writing, but he also knows he has to do it. Maybe this was this person’s duty for the day. They felt it was necessary to complete this task, and so they tried very hard to do just that.

The erase marks means to me that the task was important enough to them to try again, and possibly again. Sometimes details are overwhelming to Matthew, so picking up the first piece of paper he could find, well that would be just fine in his mind. He finds writing arduous so using a pencil would be the easiest writing instrument for him. Yes, I see my son in many people who struggle.

Since having Matthew and discovering just how hard the world is for him, I’ve learned to be a little less judgmental with others. I try to see what they may have weighing them down and just how very hard they work to overcome those dragging obstacles. Not everyone is going to have the same sort of struggles that Matthew has, but everyone is struggling with something. Giving them the benefit of the doubt can often go so far as to change their whole outlook on life. Yes, I see my son in the struggle of others. Every single day.

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Common Core and Autism

I know so many people that are up in arms about Common Core. I don’t really know how I feel about it yet. So many of my friends are upset because of the kind of math Common Core is introducing. Matthew is in 3rd grade and personally I don’t have any issue with his current Common Core Math program. He has been working on multiplication and they are using multiple ways to describe it. Yesterday his homework consisted of 6 x 4 and 3 options for a correct representation of that math problem. Matthew got it immediately. He chose the six boxes with four dots in each. He was then asked to describe “why” this answer was correct. This is where Common Core and I start to part ways.

Matthew has trouble with spelling. Apparently, unbeknownst to my husband and I, Matthew has not progressed from a grade 2 spelling level, although he is on a level 3 reading level. As we struggled to understand how our child, who is obviously smart, did not progress at all in spelling while in 2nd grade we found out that spelling is not a Common Core requirement. Although spellings close and intimate relative, Reading, IS on the Common Core, spelling it self, is not. That means that as long as Matthew continues to be on grade level with reading he can, conceivably, lag behind in spelling and this will not effect his moving up a grade. It also means that he will not be grade or corrected for using improper spelling outside of a spelling test! What?! Yes, that is right. If he gets his point across, he is not required to spell correctly. It was pointed out that there are spell checking applications and dictionaries, so spelling is not a requirement to move forward in school.

I was completely flabbergasted. Of course we are not accepting the Common Core idea on spelling and have retained the services of a reading/spelling specialist to help him with his spelling. We fully expect him to produce all work to the best of his abilities, not just reading and math.

I do fear for us as a family dealing with an IEP and Common Core, along with myriad other standardized test and autism. It appears, from where we are situated, that children with special needs will fall in that 10-15% of kids that do not test well and therefore are forgotten in our test driven society. What happened to a teacher being able to keep one of her students after school for a few hours a week to help the child catch up or understand a particularly trying concept? No, now a parent must find a tutor outside their child’s current school, so that no “favoritism” can take place. I think we are moving too far away form the idea of teaching our children, and to close to the idea that everything, even school, is a capitalistic venture.

Thoughts?

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Just What The Heck Has Been Going On In My Life?

 

 

 

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Seems like forever since I sat down and wrote. Things have been a bit weird for me lately and I just haven’t had the gumption to sit at the computer and put it into words. Not sure I can even do it now.

We continue to recover Matthew from autism. He is doing really well. Maybe I shouldn’t say “from autism” any more as he certainly no longer meets the DSM-IV criteria of autism. I think we are now recovering him from ADD/ADHD, according to the DSM-IV this is a more likely diagnosis now. I will certainly take the progress, but eventually I want to not be “recovering” him from anything.

I guess I have done it again, I have some how alienated a friend. Well, she wasn’t quite a friend, but she was more than an acquaintance. We don’t agree on what autism is, or how to treat it – actually on even if it should be treated. Oddly I feel rather apathetic to this loss. I think with the adrenal fatigue and utter exhaustion that comes with it, I have no energy to give to this loss, and therefore no feelings toward it. I try to conjure in my mind and my heart a response to her, but I can’t be mean or angry towards her. I also can’t say she is right. The best I can offer is the question if we need to have the same beliefs to be friends. But even that seems like very little so right now I offer nothing.

The kids are home from school and we are readdressing their activities. Matthew and Nico are now taking music lessons together. Matthew has been playing the piano for a little while, and Nico has now picked up the guitar. I have always pictured him as a musician. Who knows if I am right or not.

Speaking of my adrenal fatigue, my acupuncturist says I am so depleted he has no idea how I function at all. I told him I am a SuperMom and we must continue on. He is treating me with his big guns and fully believes I will be back to my old self. I hope so, as this has been extremely taxing. I want to sleep all the time.

Lastly I have been trying to get into watercolor painting. I love it. I am so excited to get my art back. So where have you been this summer?

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Wordless Wednesday – the Test for P.A.N.D.A.S.

This is the positive results showing my son probably has P.A.N.D.A.S. – Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disease Associated with Streptoccal Infection.

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