School is starting here, tomorrow! I am not prepared. Don’t get me wrong, I have all of the boy’s school supplies, all safely delivered to their classrooms last week, their lunch boxes/snacks, I have even packed up Matthew’s lunchtime supplements for the week, ready to be delivered to the health assistant for this weeks distribution. But I’M not ready. Each year is a big step forward and this year is particularly scary for me. Larry and I had hoped to have Matthew fully recovered by first grade. It was our goalpost. It was just far enough away that we thought we had enough time, but it was still so early on in his school life that we wouldn’t have to worry about the “autism” label or anything.
But here it is, the day before first grade and he still carries an IEP and an educational autism dx. I could dwell on that and let it bring me down, just like hurricane Irene has brought down power lines all around our city, leaving people in the dark, feeling powerless and afraid. Instead, I choose to look at how far our little boy has come. He is already reading at a mid-first grade level, has interest in swimming and wants to take skating lessons, wants to learn to cook, loves eating out, wants to do play dates with his favorite friends, loves his brothers, and is just plain funny!
God did a really great thing giving us this family. We, as their parents, must teach them to navigate this world and be good people, but they are teaching us about really living and being loved. It seems ao simple, but I know so many people that can’t love themselves, and therefore never really live life. They pursue all sorts of “things”, thinking happiness comes in a box, car or cash award. Thinking if I’m only better than her, richer than him, thinner than them, then I’ll be happy. But really missing the point of loving one’s self, and loving your family and friends.
I think God has spent years, yes years – I’m sort of a slow learner on this one, trying to teach me patience and love, but her has put certain obstacles in my way which have forced my hand. The only way I will survive is to accept what has been given to me, to love myself for who and what I am, and then to work my butt off!
Stay Well!
