Parenthood

March 9, 2010
Last night Larry and I watched the premier of the new TV show, Parenthood. We had DVR’d it last week and finally got a chance to watch it last night. The verdict is still out on the show, but the first episode really hit home with me. One of the characters on the show has Aspergers. He is a young boy, probably in first grade or so. His parents were unaware of his Aspergers status, although they knew he was different. They didn’t seem to be clued into the fact that many of his traits, when taken together, were HUGE signs of an ASD.

I found two scenes particularly painful. The first comes when the child’s mother tells the father that the evaluation has turned up Aspergers. They are talking over each other, the mother trying to say what was wrong, the father giving excuses. Until finally the father really hears what the mother is saying. That the evaluators don’t “think” their son has Aspergers, but instead that their son “Does” have Aspergers. The mother is crying and the father is denying. It shook me up. I completely understand their concern, their worry, their fear. I know what it feels like to have a doctor knock the wind right out of you with a few words – Your child has Autism. Something grips you deep within your stomach and it NEVER lets go.

I still have moments, and now that the baby has been born I seem to have a lot more of them, when such fear of the future grips me that I don’t think I can breathe. How will Matthew function? What will happen when Larry and I are gone? We simply want to protect Matthew and we can’t. There WILL be a time when Larry and I are gone and Matthew will have to exist on his own. I am fearful of that time.

The second scene that really hit home with me was when the father had the child playing outside while his cousin was singing in a school recital. The whole extended family was there to support the cousin and the grandfather, a very strong willed man, wanted to know where the boy was. He went outside to find them and demanded they come back in the school to watch the show. The father told him no, that they were fine outside. Of course the grandfather protested and the father informed him that the child couldn’t go inside because there were candles set up in the hall and the boy could not go past them. The grandfather insisted that this was ridiculous and again demanded they come inside, anyone could pass by the candles. Finally the father tells the grandfather that no, the child couldn’t go past the candles because there was something wrong with his son, and that he needed the grandfather’s help. Tears welled up in the father’s eyes and in my own because I know what it is like to have to explain to loved ones that what they are witnessing is not a temper tantrum or a willful child, but an actual disorder. I know that it is hard to understand and often hard to accept, but it is true none the less.

I hope Parenthood does Aspergers and ASD justice. I pray they don’t do the cliche, but instead really delve deeply into the struggles that come with finding out your child has an ASD. They have a great opportunity to open people’s eyes.