Birthday Revisited

We had Matthew’s fourth birthday celebration yesterday. This was the more “public” celebration with friends from school and the neighborhood. We were not terribly prepared for the birthday bash. We had not planned much and just decided to have a part at our house with some light food, cake and one planned activity. As the day approached we realized we had not thought our plan through and we were a bit panicked thinking we did not have enough food or activities for the children. They would be bored and hungry!

But thank goodness we were wrong! The guests started to arrive and Matthew and his friends did what all children do. They played! It was marvelous to watch. My oldest boy talking to his guests, even taking one neighbor girl by the hand and directing her to the family room to play with him. He asked a friend’s son to make “cupcakes” with him in the play kitchen. And even Nico got into the act playing with the other children and just being generally cute. He is pretty good at the latter. After they ate and played some more we broke out the cake. What a hit! I made a wonderful GFCF chocolate cake with vanilla icing. I even located a local baker, Camden Cakes, who produced some GFCF Egg-free chocolate cupcakes with vanilla icing for one little boy who also has an egg allergy. The child was so thrilled that he could attend a party and eat something the host had provided. I’m sending the rest of the cupcakes in to Matthew’s class for his actual birthday party at school!

As the party began to wind down we broke out some “stuffable” stuffed animals and had the children add the filling to cute little penguins. Once the stuffing was done, we gave them pennies to wish on and put inside their penguins. These became their take home treats. After the activity the families began to gather up their things and head home. Matthew was so disappointed his friends were leaving, but he had had a very busy day.

One of the best things that happened was one of the moms told me she had no idea that Matthew had an IEP. She couldn’t believe there was any reason for him to have one. When I explained that he is on the Autism Spectrum she was completely astonished. We started talking about all the interventions we use for Matthew and how he has improved so much over the last few months and years. I mentioned Jenny McCarthy and the other mom jumped in and told me that she really admired what we have done for Matthew, and that I was a Warrior Mom just like Jenny.

This birthday naturally had me reflecting back on last years celebration. To compare the two is like comparing night and day. They are both part of the same whole but they are nothing alike. Last year I cried on Matthew’s birthday. I cried for how different my son was from the other children in his class. I cried because his eyes were vacant most of the time. I cried because he just didn’t care. About anything. I cried in fear of his future. And I cried for the child that could have been.

But this year there have been no tears. This year my son was just like every other child I saw. He initiated interaction with other kids. He told me and my husband to go away because he wanted to talk to the neighbor girl by himself. He tried to stuff the penguin and laughed and played with the children. He was so present and so involved with the other children it warmed my heart. Last year he stood alone and didn’t care who else was around. This year he was sorry to see his friends leave.

What a difference a year, and some well thought out and executed interventions, can make! Much love to my two little boys who make this world worth living in.